It has been a while, huh?
I think after my husband and I's separation, I couldn't touch the blog. I had closed myself off from the world to try and find myself again.
Praise be to God-- we are still married. I moved back home after 2 months of being apart. Although I would never wish separation on anyone, I think its honestly what we needed to do for us at the time. We are happier and stronger than ever now. We appreciate each other more. Michael is no longer drinking, and comes to me when he needs help with his emotions. Getting to the root of our problems helped so much.
My dad gave me the one peace of advise that helped me get through the decision of coming home or not.
Ill tell you the story he told me.
When my dad was married to his 1st wife, (not many people know my dad was married twice, first marriage was very short lived) He and his wife went to a wedding. He describes the wedding as very small, with only a few people there. He said that the pastor told the couple that sharing a marriage 50/50 was wrong. (this struck me, as Mike and I always said our marriage was 50/50)... he said it would never work. Marriage has to be 100/100.
SIMPLE.... WOW. Hit me like a hurricane. Why had I settled for 50%? How was something said so simply so hard for us to do all of this time? That night, I asked Mike if I could come over, and I told him the story. It hit him just as hard. We discussed it, and decided to do it right. Try really hard to please one another.... and so far it has worked! We have also kept the Lord in our lives through all of this. The hard times and the good. I never will turn to God to tell him of my troubles if I haven't praised him through the good first. I think that it has helped alot. So, amen to our marriage!
Alot of other things have happened besides my moving back home. My sister-in-law Amber almost lost her life a month ago. She too has had struggles with alcohol, and was in a horrible living environment. When we got the word of her condition, we automatically knew we had to take her in and get her away from the toxic place she was. So, after she was released from the hospital, we opened our home to her. She has been living here, alcohol free for a month! AMEN to that! Its nice having another female in the house. I do admit, sometimes it is a challenge being the only adult who can drive... but that is the price that Mike and Amber have paid for drinking and driving, and that is my job as being a wife and mother. At the end of the day, I feel stronger as a woman, and feel like I am definitely providing as God would want me to.
Sterling just had his 2nd Birthday on April 20th. I cant believe how fast these past two years have flown by. What a joy he brings to our lives. He is such a feisty little guy, but so sweet and loving. Every night before he goes to bed *if I'm not working late* we cuddle in my bed for about 30 minutes. When Mike and I separated, Sterling and I lived with a friend, who is no longer my friend unfortunately, and he and I had to share a room. Since this was such a transition for both of us, we just cuddled in my bed every night. He comforted me, I comforted him. It was a pretty hard situation for both of us. My roommate worked midnights, and during the day we had to be quiet. We spent all day in my room. We ate in there, slept in there, played in there.... doesn't sound too bad, but it was horrible. We had to constantly be quiet during the day... then at night, when we would go to bed, the roommate would get up and make a ruckus all night. I hated living there. All of this on top of a potential divorce... pretty difficult. Luckily, Mike and I always stayed in contact, and never gave up on the idea of making things work. Long story short, I keep that routine with Sterling. I let him lay with mommy every night just as we did when things were hard. I cherish those moments... and I think he does too. Its so interesting how a 2 year old can almost feel the same things, without saying a word. I am so blessed to have him in my life. I currently have baby fever and want another one soooo bad! But until then, I'm gonna love him up like there is no tomorrow!
I still am currently working at McCollum Psychiatric Clinic. There are days were I ball my eyes out, there are days were I am sooo happy. Doc and I don't get along too well, and I think alot of that is due to us being so much alike. But I'm trying to get through it as best as i can. I just pray that if this is where God wants me, then it will get better. Right now I'm just trying to stick with it so I can continue to provide for my little family of 4. Thursday was the first time I had gotten wrote up at work... It was because a patient brought me a birthday present.... REALLY. that is the kind of things i deal with. I LOVE my job, I love my patients... but I swear Doc is gonna drive me to a psych ward myself! Oh well... I trust gods plan, so we will see.
Today I turned 25. twenty-freaking-five. Holy turd. I had my wisdom teeth pulled on Friday so i have literally slept all weekend. Kinda needed it though. Thank Goodness that is all done!
Well, I'm back to bed. I will Definitely keep up with my blog now!
Hope all is well with everyone!