Sunday, August 29, 2010


When I was little I used to have a problem having "night terrors".... I can still vividly remember waking up, in a dream, seeing all of my dream and reality around me at the same time. The last one I can remember from growing up was when I was living with my dad at about age 14. I had a dream I was in some sort of game, kinda like a video game only scarier, and there were these disks in the air that I had to jump to, or I would die. So, As Im sleeping I stand up on my bed and begin jumping on these disks... It sounds hillarious, and kindof is when I look back. But at the time it wasnt. My dad woke up and came into the room and asked me what I was doing. I told him I had to jump or I was going to die. He immediatly knew what was going on and went to fetch me some water. I followed. Only he walked down the stairs, and I jumped down the entire flight of stairs. I remember screaming at him asking him to take me to the hospital because I was so scared of dying. Shortly after, I woke up from the night terror, and calmed down and went to bed.  This is just an example of one I can remember, pretty vividly.

Sterling has woke up 2 times in the past month with nightmares. He wakes up screaming bloody murder, Michael and I run in, and he immediatly grabs on to us trembling. He did this for the second time last night. He just let me cuddle with him on the couch, barely moving for a half an hour.... and for those of you that know my son he is so high strung that doesnt happen often.

Im so terrifed that this is something somewhat genetic. I hope that he doesnt get this from me and that its normal for him to have nightmares. I just dont know what a 16 month old could be dreaming of that is scary?

We have another nightmare problem in our house also... Since Michael got home from Iraq he has nightmares of being back over there. Sometimes its just the little mumbling of words, asking me to go get the sniper riffle or telling me about his mission.... I always just wake up and answer him like Im there with him, hoping that he will just go back to sleep like normal. But then there are the times where he wakes up trembling, his entire body as if he is having a seizure, he will start crying and I will have to carefully try to wake him up. Just like Sterling, I hold him and wait untill he doses off to sleep. The 4th of July is the worst. Michael hears fireworks outside while we are sleeping and wakes up thinking he is in a war zone. So, while the United States is celebrating our Nations independance, Im worried to leave the man that Fought for our country at home alone while Im at work, in fear that he will wake up in terror and have no one here to comfort him. We can no longer enjoy the 4th of July like we used to. It has now become a dreaded holiday. Isnt it ironic? We are so proud to be Americans, So proud of my husbands fight for our county, So proud of the ones that we lost and the ones that made it home.... yet, we can't enjoy the one holiday that really represents that. As the wife of a soldier, I must admit, this is more than I bargained for, but Im so proud of him and I know that this is a small reprocussion of the sacrafises that they have made.“Those with the greatest awareness have the greatest nightmares.”  Mahatma Gandhi

Well, On a side note our family has had an aweful cold for over a week now. It has mostly affected Mike and Sterling, but The last few days its been a little rough on me. Im going to return to work today, (working my 12 hour shift) and hope that my voice stays in tact and that I can keep my energy levels up to par. Im going to go to the doctor on monday and see if she can perscribe us something.

Thats all for now. Off to go be SUPER MOM! Fighting Laundry and dishes, moping and dusting, one day at a time! Duh duh Duuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh! (super mom music).

God Bless,

Friday, August 27, 2010

My 1st Blog

So, Here it is... My first blog.

I have had 3 days to try and set this up, and its taken quite a bit to figure it out! Wish me luck! (Hopefully we will see some improvements in the next week or so!)
Well, Im starting this blog for the same reason My best friend Julie did... To leave a little story of my life behind for my son. I would love for him to look back and see what we have done together as a family... and I want to share it with my family and friends also.
My little boy Sterling is currently 16 months old... he is a little firecracker! Has mommys goofy personality, and daddys independance. My husband is Michael, he is a Veteran of the US Army, and is currently going to the University of Arkansas for a double major of Criminal Justice and Forensics. <- GO MIKE!
We have come a long way in our journey together as a family and I cant wait to see where the Lord takes us next!

With all that said, I will begin my 1st journal.
Sterling started Daycare, or as we call it "school" last week. He is doing really well. The first week it was tough, he cried alot, and didnt nap. But I think now we are finally starting to form a routine and he is doing better. The 1st day I dropped him off was hard, but it was the second week that was the kicker... As I'm driving to take him to the center, the radio was doing a theme on "back to school", playing all these songs, such as "butterfly kisses"- which gets me every time I hear it... and the tears started pouring down!
I managed to regather myself to drop him off, made it out the door and as I got back into my car, they began to read poems. One of them was in a childs point of view saying "mommy, im going to be fine" that one was good.... the next one was from the mommys point of view... and it started "dear world, please be kind to my baby".... just that alone made me ball. It was a gut wrenching poem, and as I drove home Im sure a million people were starring at me like "what is wrong with that lady?". I dont want him to grow up. I just want him to stay small and innocent forever. Sometimes I just watch him and wonder what kind of man he will be. Hopefully respectful, kind and loving towards others.... Mike and I joke and call him Pastor Sterling, (my way of trying to make him more holy or something) lol... but in all reality, My parents shaped me, and Its alot of pressure to make sure that we do the same. I know we will be fine, but its always on my mind. I always want whats best.

Michael going to school has been very interesting. I thought a baby changes a relationship, (as far as intimacy and "mommy daddy time") but now we have to designate "home work time" and "mommy needs a nap before work time"... I also work Midnights (from 10 pm to 6am) so the only nights we get to share the same bed are my nights off.... by then the two of us are so warn out! Its definitly a new experience for us, but we have been in way worse situations.  I always said that I wanted my kids like 2 years apart, but its starting to look like 4 years apart more and more each day. Sterling has been such a blessing to us, and Im ok with just having him for a few more years. With my job, I hear the worst of the worst stories of what happens to children. It makes me so Grateful for everything that we have. Sterling deserves the world, and Im going to do everything in my power to give it to him.

Well, Thats all for tonight. Im going to get ready for work, and catch up on other blogs before I go!

God Bless