The funnest month to me.... Im such a kid at heart. I love decorating for fall and halloween.... and trick or treating with sterling. We havent found him a costume yet, but it will be posted!
Anther good thing about October.... I just had surgery. why is that exciting you ask?
Im ready to announce it: My husband and I are ready to expand our family. We want another baby!
Yes, this surgery I just had was quite scarry, but its getting me prepared in to be more fertile in a few months. They got all the bad stuff our of my uterous! yay! and now, we just heal, pray, wait a month or to for things to be healed over.... and then, we will start trying for Snider Baby number 2. Im really excited and I want to blog all the way through it... with this surgery as the begginning point in this new journey. Yes, Im in pain, but the excitement of the higher posibilty of pregancy makes it all worth it. They did fracture my uterus when they were in, but accidedents happen. I pray that nothing goes wrong with it.
But we are ready, Sterling is desperatly needing a sibling. Im so excited at the thought of just having a baby here. The pregancy and everything will be so exciting to share with sterling.... now, i have to wait to finish healing, they said about 4 weeks, then ill get off my birth controll, and here we go!
Im very excited!
So, there is my news that i couldnt wait to share :)
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Random Rambles of a Ramblishious Rambler
Ahhhhhhh... July. The month I look forward to every year... I complain about the cold, and cant wait for July... But this year? not so much. The heat has been at an all time high breaking records that were set in the 1940's. I can honestly say, that I have probably sweat out enough water to feed the thirsty in foreign countries. Yes, this may be slightly dramatic, but so am I :)
So far, this month has not been all I have set it out to be. Sorry July, but I am so glad that August is about to take over. I crave the smell of fall. Fall is my most favorite season of all.... The days where T-shirts and jeans is comfortable, the days when the leaves grace our eyes with their beautiful autumn colors, the days when every single candle company makes apple cider and spice scents, the days when football is a weekly routine joined by the awesome spirit of the fans-- (I of which am a fan proud of Kansas State, Arkansas Razorbacks, and occasionally if it shakes me right, the Florida Gators). I yearn for fall. And, I believe that fall craves me back! I say this because in the dead heat of these long summer days, I hear fall calling my name.
This year, Michael will be returning to the University of Arkansas to continue on his journey of getting his degree in Criminal Justice and Sociology. This means that we can sit in the student section of U of A games. This means that Molly gets to be a kid again, pretending to be a cheerleader (and if the motion takes over my soul, the occasional dance team wanna be) for an entire football season. Oh fall, how i have missed you!
Although July has been a little rough, I do have some wonderful blessings to share!
My best friend Julie had her 2nd child, Jordon Rumbaugh.... and the word blessing does not describe him well enough. He was made so perfectly, and is so lucky to have such a wonderful family!
So far, this month has not been all I have set it out to be. Sorry July, but I am so glad that August is about to take over. I crave the smell of fall. Fall is my most favorite season of all.... The days where T-shirts and jeans is comfortable, the days when the leaves grace our eyes with their beautiful autumn colors, the days when every single candle company makes apple cider and spice scents, the days when football is a weekly routine joined by the awesome spirit of the fans-- (I of which am a fan proud of Kansas State, Arkansas Razorbacks, and occasionally if it shakes me right, the Florida Gators). I yearn for fall. And, I believe that fall craves me back! I say this because in the dead heat of these long summer days, I hear fall calling my name.
This year, Michael will be returning to the University of Arkansas to continue on his journey of getting his degree in Criminal Justice and Sociology. This means that we can sit in the student section of U of A games. This means that Molly gets to be a kid again, pretending to be a cheerleader (and if the motion takes over my soul, the occasional dance team wanna be) for an entire football season. Oh fall, how i have missed you!
Although July has been a little rough, I do have some wonderful blessings to share!
My best friend Julie had her 2nd child, Jordon Rumbaugh.... and the word blessing does not describe him well enough. He was made so perfectly, and is so lucky to have such a wonderful family!
Mommy and Jordon Carter Rumbaugh
Another blessing to praise-- Little baby Aubrey Mayne. Another July baby, brought to you by Katie and Hank Brockmeyer. Look at how precious she is!
Aubrey and her big brother Tryp :)
Really soon we will be welcoming two more little girls-- one by my friend Liz Hitzfield, and one by my "big sister" Julie Cofield. The more babies in the world, the merrier!
Speaking of little blessings, My little guy is growing so fast! I am enjoying him every second I have him with me. I wish I could be around him more, but unfortunately I am a hard working mommy, so my times with him are slightly limited. His vocabulary has doubled this month, awing us every time he speaks. He has such a friendly, vibrant, and loving personality. I feel so proud when he is out with us and shows off his new found words or actions. I absolutely love to be his mommy! I had baby fever for such a long time, but now with my sister in law living with us, it feels as if we have two children already. Baby fever has been completely erased from my system. I was upset about things at first, but after going to a visit with my new OBGYN, it seems that God has other plans for me. For the next year at least I will be taking different doses of hormones to try and heal the endometriosis that has taken over my uterus. So, heal before baby... that's the plan. And I am completely OK with that. Sterling is the biggest blessing to me right now!
Caught red handed in Mommys makeup! haha!
Sterling as Buzz Lightyear!
Sterling as Woody!
Sterling the swimmer!
Well, I just wanted to give a quick update to some of life's changes! I do have more, but I had a very long night last night and cant wait to crawl into bed!
I hope all is well with all of my friends and family.
God Bless!
Molly
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
My New Challange-- Join me!
Hello my 7 readers! I wish there were more! lol.... but its nice to know that its being read!
I have a new challenge!
This past Sunday, I went to church twice. I needed some guidance, some gospel music, and of course, the word of God. So, why not go to church for both services??!!
We started the beginning of the service with a story from a mother. She got up in front of the congregation and spoke about her son graduating high school the night before. He was one of twins, and was diagnosed with Autism at age 3. He was told that he would never be "up to par" with learning, that he would be slower than "normal" children... She was devastated. She decided that feeling sorry for herself and her child was going to get her no where. She prayed to God, asking him to guide her through this. She was a stay at home mother, until just a few weeks ago. She went back to work and got sat in front of a woman who had also just started her job. After talking, she learned that the lady she sat next to just found out that her 3 year old son was diagnosed with Autism. She said that she felt God had lead her there to help her.... to show her that her son was doing great, and that there is always a rainbow after the storm. The greatest part of the story? Her son graduated with honors! His best class? Speech. This goes to show that statistics do not matter when you have God on your side! Amen to that story, right!
After she spoke, our pastor did a sermon on "the power of the tongue". I didn't know what to expect when he stated that was what his sermon was about... is he going to speak in tongues? lol.... Not exactly. This sermon touched me... it made me challenge myself as a christian.
The part that stuck to me was this: If you spend as much time praying, as you do talking about something, think about how much that will change things.... The word of mouth can be the death of someone. Think about it... we all know that gossip can ruin lives.... so why do it? If we spent as much time praying, as we would in gossiping... the power of the prayer would be overwhelming. Another thing that is great about this: People want to be around positive people. People who are negative bring others down, that's a fact! I try to be as positive as possible, but there are times when I just plain don't feel good, and I get in moods where I don't have anything positive to say! (everyone has those moments, I know, but it can be controlled!)
I sat there, taking it all in, and Wow. The pastor challenged us to not speak anything negative about the church, its members, the sermons, etc, for two months. I took it a step farther: Don't speak negative for two months. PERIOD. I can do this... I can pray every time I have a bad thought, most of the time I'm praying already, but why not challenge myself to do more? Maybe I can have a domino effect on others... Maybe I can make a difference? I have already been tested a few times. I got upset with an old friend, who nowadays has nothing to do with me. Right when I was about to say something negative... I said "I pray she has a kinder heart". I meant it. I will not stoop to her level and be mean, I will simply pray for her. I hope this is a great learning experience for me, and others around me. I feel alot better already.
Some more news: I got a new job. It is at Brandon Eye Clinic in Springdale. Sterling's daycare is right down the street and I wont be driving out of town anymore! Its been devastating leaving the patients that I have grown so close to, but I have to start making myself happy. Its a slight pay cut, which is hard for me to grasp... but I'm saving money in gas, I have set hours Monday through Friday, and I will see my baby boy more. That's whats important in life! I am leaving for Florida on Sunday... Spending two weeks with my family! So happy about that. My mother has only seen Sterling Deen one time since his birth. With her health, its only fair that I go to her. It will be a MUCH needed vacation, and I'm excited to start my new job upon my return.
Please pray that all of this works out in my favor. I'm not good with change! I have worked soooooo hard at my current job, I have a routine, and I kick butt daily... but my stress levels are outrageous! I was so scared of hurting my boss by leaving, and leaving the clinic in a bad place by missing an employee. I have offered to help out part time as needed, especially since they wont hire anyone else, and there are alot of things that the new office manager has not fully learned yet. I don't want to leave anyone stranded. I hope that this transition goes smoothly, and that I love my new job.
I have also started another something new... A prayer journal. Man, what a great release this is! Its like my letters to God. Yes, I talk to him a million times a day, but sometimes writing it out is easier. my first journal entry was 11 pages! I highly encourage others to do this! At then end of my journal, I will be able to look back and see how much I have grown spiritually, and how much God has worked in my life. I want to make him proud! After all, He died for me. That's the least I can do.
I hope everyone is safe during these awful storms.
You are all in my prayers, and thanks for reading my rambles!
God Bless!
Molly-Kate
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Twenty-one
I just realized that I have finally posted twenty blogs!
So, I thought for my twenty-first, I would do something fun- courtosy of my dear friend Jewels :0)
So, I thought for my twenty-first, I would do something fun- courtosy of my dear friend Jewels :0)
Potty training and extreme couponing
Well, the time has come. Sterling has finally decided he is ready to discuss the fantastic word "potty"! Luckily I have potty trained 22 two year olds (at one time) as a preschool teacher, so this is right up my alley.... so I thought! I have patiently been waiting for Sterling to decide when he is ready. I certainly do not want to push something on him and not have any results. The one thing that I love about being a mommy is that the network of other moms around you can be really helpful... but sometimes, its hard to hear about someones child doing more than yours, even though I fully understand that Sterling may be excelling in other areas that that child may not be yet. On the other hand, I get great pointers, and for the other moms out there that read this (even though my readers are a small amount) I hope some of the pointers that I have can help you too!
Working in the Doctors office, I'm fortunate enough to have met a Pharmaceutical Rep that has a child the same age as Sterling. Every time she comes in the office we discuss where are kids are at developmentally, or where good sales are, shoes that fit fat feet... etc! <-- That has been a challenge in itself! lol. She has a lady that lives across the street from her that has 4 children. 2 girls and 2 boys. She gets allot of advice from her and shares it with me. We have a little network of advice and it seems to be working with all 3 of us!
Some of the pointers that the lady across the street told my friend have really been encouraging! Along with my personal success in training children, I hope they are for you all too!
*First of all, Girls are easier to train than boys. This is kinda common sense. There is no "sitting training" then "standing training" with girls... which is a huge obstacle for mothers of males! You finally get them used to sitting, but then daddy stands up to pee... so mommy, how is that the same? The first step is to have daddy do what baby does. There is no shame in having your husband sit to pee, just to show your son that its okay to do it that way! I have brought Sterling into the bathroom with me a million times, and explained what I am doing on the potty. I try to be as excited as possible, so that way he too will be excited when he is ready. When daddy does it, its even more encouraging! So, definitely don't be afraid to ask the man of the house to take a little step into the sitting direction!
*Next, Make sure that if you are ready to potty train, and your child is in daycare, that they are actively being involved in the process with you. Share your training ideas and having them give you their ideas will help keep things consistent for your child. This is very important for a working mother like myself. I would hate for Sterling to have gone potty more at daycare than he does with mommy! Tell them when you are ready! and if they are ready before your child is, don't be afraid to tell them to wait.
No shame in the potty game!
*My friend has suggested that I also let Sterling pick out his own potty seat. When he turned about a year and a half, My husband and I went and bought him a little potty. We set it right next to our potty and encouraged him to at least sit on it when we go potty. This helps your child get familiar to the idea, even if he/she is not ready. When your child gets a better understanding of what the potty is for, he/she will decide if they want the small potty, or if they would rather use a seat on the potty. Sterling, for example, doesn't like the small one. So, I have taken the lid off the seat and transferred it to the "big boy potty". With her suggestion of letting him pick a seat out, this will also encourage him! Her child picked out Sesame Street. Now, he loves to sit on it, because that is the one he wanted.
*The biggest obstacle with a working mother is having the time to dedicate to training. The lady friend told my friend that she has had to dedicate 3 straight days to straight potty training. This means, no going anywhere! Consistency is key! At the top of every hour, (as suggested), I will give Sterling a drink of water. At the 1/2 of every hour, I will ask him if he wants to go potty, and no matter what his answer is, we will go sit on the potty. EVERY DAY for 3 days straight. She said it has worked for all 3 of her younger kids and they caught on immediately!
*Another suggestion to me was No pullups. This one took me back for a moment, and I thought, "wont that be skipping a step?" The reason is: Kids do not want to feel wet. Talk to your child about big boy/girl panties/undies. Get them excited. Let them pick them out. Be prepared for a day of laundry! No child is perfect, and by no means should you ever scold a child for wetting themselves. She told me that letting a child feel wet, and not having the diaper there to catch it, will also help them understand that if you sit on the potty, you wont get wet! She feels as if pullups are kinda a lazy way out, and do not teach the child anything other than its OK to pee in your pullup. After hearing this, I fully agree! So this coming weekend, we are going to pick out underware. I will start on a Friday when I get off, and go all the way until Sunday. She did tell me that the exception for pullups are at nap and bedtime, as of course, your child is too young to know when to get up yet or to hold it for a long period of time.
*Lastly, the reward. With my preschoolers, I drew little pottys... and every time they went potty I put a sticker inside of their little potty. This was hung up for them to see regularly, and they love stickers! The lady friend of mine said She gives 5 mini m&m's for pee pee on the potty, and 10 mini m&m's for poo poo on the potty. They also have an Elmo potty DVD (you can purchase this at walmart) that the little boy gets really excited to watch. When I was teaching, I even made up a potty song.
"STERLING, went pee pee on the potty, He went pee pee like a big boy, he went pee pee on the potty, WHAAAHOOOO!" clapping my hands as I chanted this. ONLY if he went potty. The kids loved it! You can search online for potty songs and dances and they have so many that you can do for your child. The more fun it is for them, the more they will want to go.
I'm really excited to put all the advise and prior experience to the test! Updates will definitely be posted as I go, and more pointers are appreciated! Lets all share our ideas and help each other!
Now, to Couponing. I will be doing this for the first time this week. Having a family of 3 with one dog, jump to a family of 4 with 2 dogs has definitely opened my eyes to how much money is being spent on food. Every little penny counts now. My friend Julie saves so much money when she finds good deals, and I have been watching her do this for some time now, with no time to do it myself. The time has come. No more waiting and wishing. Sunday I am getting 2 newspapers, and using my helpful websites such as Coupons.com to give me pointers. I have printed "how-to's" and bought a coupon organizer. I have religiously been watching "Extreme Couponing" on TV, and although I have no plan on walking into a store to get $1,000.00 of laundry detergent for free, its very informative on how it works. I think I'm learning the little tricks that months ago did not make since. I have my sister in law here to help, and I'm ready to get some food! Any advice helps. I have posted something about it on facebook and got a great response from this, so hopefully my first time will be a great success!
Again, Posts will follow with my savings!
A week ago I got my wisdom teeth removed, and today I am in more pain than ever, only getting about 1 full hour of uninterrupted sleep. I have to sleep sitting up, because if I lay down my face throbs. I have no pain management other than Motrin, and I feel like my jaw is going to explode! At 12:30 this morning I finally decided to force myself to sleep. It took about 2 hours for me to finally tap out. Then I woke up at 3. My husband woke up around the same time, unable to sleep, so we have been up together chatting all morning. It was a much needed catch up session! I have been sooooo stressed with my job, that when I come home I just want to be with Sterling and when he does to bed, I want to go to bed to. I'm totally neglecting my duties as a wife and friend to my husband. This morning when we were chatting, I missed him. Isn't that sad? At least we had our moment, Even if it was way to early.
Today, I am hitting up a neighborhood yard sale. It starts at 7 am and its a HUGE sale. I'm pretty excited. Oh the little things in life! Wish me luck!
Off I go to get ready! Happy Saturday Y'all!
God Bless,
Molly-Kate
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Time for an update, and some PRAISE!
It has been a while, huh?
I think after my husband and I's separation, I couldn't touch the blog. I had closed myself off from the world to try and find myself again.
Praise be to God-- we are still married. I moved back home after 2 months of being apart. Although I would never wish separation on anyone, I think its honestly what we needed to do for us at the time. We are happier and stronger than ever now. We appreciate each other more. Michael is no longer drinking, and comes to me when he needs help with his emotions. Getting to the root of our problems helped so much.
My dad gave me the one peace of advise that helped me get through the decision of coming home or not.
Ill tell you the story he told me.
When my dad was married to his 1st wife, (not many people know my dad was married twice, first marriage was very short lived) He and his wife went to a wedding. He describes the wedding as very small, with only a few people there. He said that the pastor told the couple that sharing a marriage 50/50 was wrong. (this struck me, as Mike and I always said our marriage was 50/50)... he said it would never work. Marriage has to be 100/100.
SIMPLE.... WOW. Hit me like a hurricane. Why had I settled for 50%? How was something said so simply so hard for us to do all of this time? That night, I asked Mike if I could come over, and I told him the story. It hit him just as hard. We discussed it, and decided to do it right. Try really hard to please one another.... and so far it has worked! We have also kept the Lord in our lives through all of this. The hard times and the good. I never will turn to God to tell him of my troubles if I haven't praised him through the good first. I think that it has helped alot. So, amen to our marriage!
Alot of other things have happened besides my moving back home. My sister-in-law Amber almost lost her life a month ago. She too has had struggles with alcohol, and was in a horrible living environment. When we got the word of her condition, we automatically knew we had to take her in and get her away from the toxic place she was. So, after she was released from the hospital, we opened our home to her. She has been living here, alcohol free for a month! AMEN to that! Its nice having another female in the house. I do admit, sometimes it is a challenge being the only adult who can drive... but that is the price that Mike and Amber have paid for drinking and driving, and that is my job as being a wife and mother. At the end of the day, I feel stronger as a woman, and feel like I am definitely providing as God would want me to.
Sterling just had his 2nd Birthday on April 20th. I cant believe how fast these past two years have flown by. What a joy he brings to our lives. He is such a feisty little guy, but so sweet and loving. Every night before he goes to bed *if I'm not working late* we cuddle in my bed for about 30 minutes. When Mike and I separated, Sterling and I lived with a friend, who is no longer my friend unfortunately, and he and I had to share a room. Since this was such a transition for both of us, we just cuddled in my bed every night. He comforted me, I comforted him. It was a pretty hard situation for both of us. My roommate worked midnights, and during the day we had to be quiet. We spent all day in my room. We ate in there, slept in there, played in there.... doesn't sound too bad, but it was horrible. We had to constantly be quiet during the day... then at night, when we would go to bed, the roommate would get up and make a ruckus all night. I hated living there. All of this on top of a potential divorce... pretty difficult. Luckily, Mike and I always stayed in contact, and never gave up on the idea of making things work. Long story short, I keep that routine with Sterling. I let him lay with mommy every night just as we did when things were hard. I cherish those moments... and I think he does too. Its so interesting how a 2 year old can almost feel the same things, without saying a word. I am so blessed to have him in my life. I currently have baby fever and want another one soooo bad! But until then, I'm gonna love him up like there is no tomorrow!
I still am currently working at McCollum Psychiatric Clinic. There are days were I ball my eyes out, there are days were I am sooo happy. Doc and I don't get along too well, and I think alot of that is due to us being so much alike. But I'm trying to get through it as best as i can. I just pray that if this is where God wants me, then it will get better. Right now I'm just trying to stick with it so I can continue to provide for my little family of 4. Thursday was the first time I had gotten wrote up at work... It was because a patient brought me a birthday present.... REALLY. that is the kind of things i deal with. I LOVE my job, I love my patients... but I swear Doc is gonna drive me to a psych ward myself! Oh well... I trust gods plan, so we will see.
Today I turned 25. twenty-freaking-five. Holy turd. I had my wisdom teeth pulled on Friday so i have literally slept all weekend. Kinda needed it though. Thank Goodness that is all done!
Well, I'm back to bed. I will Definitely keep up with my blog now!
Hope all is well with everyone!
GOD BLESS!
MK
I think after my husband and I's separation, I couldn't touch the blog. I had closed myself off from the world to try and find myself again.
Praise be to God-- we are still married. I moved back home after 2 months of being apart. Although I would never wish separation on anyone, I think its honestly what we needed to do for us at the time. We are happier and stronger than ever now. We appreciate each other more. Michael is no longer drinking, and comes to me when he needs help with his emotions. Getting to the root of our problems helped so much.
My dad gave me the one peace of advise that helped me get through the decision of coming home or not.
Ill tell you the story he told me.
When my dad was married to his 1st wife, (not many people know my dad was married twice, first marriage was very short lived) He and his wife went to a wedding. He describes the wedding as very small, with only a few people there. He said that the pastor told the couple that sharing a marriage 50/50 was wrong. (this struck me, as Mike and I always said our marriage was 50/50)... he said it would never work. Marriage has to be 100/100.
SIMPLE.... WOW. Hit me like a hurricane. Why had I settled for 50%? How was something said so simply so hard for us to do all of this time? That night, I asked Mike if I could come over, and I told him the story. It hit him just as hard. We discussed it, and decided to do it right. Try really hard to please one another.... and so far it has worked! We have also kept the Lord in our lives through all of this. The hard times and the good. I never will turn to God to tell him of my troubles if I haven't praised him through the good first. I think that it has helped alot. So, amen to our marriage!
Alot of other things have happened besides my moving back home. My sister-in-law Amber almost lost her life a month ago. She too has had struggles with alcohol, and was in a horrible living environment. When we got the word of her condition, we automatically knew we had to take her in and get her away from the toxic place she was. So, after she was released from the hospital, we opened our home to her. She has been living here, alcohol free for a month! AMEN to that! Its nice having another female in the house. I do admit, sometimes it is a challenge being the only adult who can drive... but that is the price that Mike and Amber have paid for drinking and driving, and that is my job as being a wife and mother. At the end of the day, I feel stronger as a woman, and feel like I am definitely providing as God would want me to.
Sterling just had his 2nd Birthday on April 20th. I cant believe how fast these past two years have flown by. What a joy he brings to our lives. He is such a feisty little guy, but so sweet and loving. Every night before he goes to bed *if I'm not working late* we cuddle in my bed for about 30 minutes. When Mike and I separated, Sterling and I lived with a friend, who is no longer my friend unfortunately, and he and I had to share a room. Since this was such a transition for both of us, we just cuddled in my bed every night. He comforted me, I comforted him. It was a pretty hard situation for both of us. My roommate worked midnights, and during the day we had to be quiet. We spent all day in my room. We ate in there, slept in there, played in there.... doesn't sound too bad, but it was horrible. We had to constantly be quiet during the day... then at night, when we would go to bed, the roommate would get up and make a ruckus all night. I hated living there. All of this on top of a potential divorce... pretty difficult. Luckily, Mike and I always stayed in contact, and never gave up on the idea of making things work. Long story short, I keep that routine with Sterling. I let him lay with mommy every night just as we did when things were hard. I cherish those moments... and I think he does too. Its so interesting how a 2 year old can almost feel the same things, without saying a word. I am so blessed to have him in my life. I currently have baby fever and want another one soooo bad! But until then, I'm gonna love him up like there is no tomorrow!
I still am currently working at McCollum Psychiatric Clinic. There are days were I ball my eyes out, there are days were I am sooo happy. Doc and I don't get along too well, and I think alot of that is due to us being so much alike. But I'm trying to get through it as best as i can. I just pray that if this is where God wants me, then it will get better. Right now I'm just trying to stick with it so I can continue to provide for my little family of 4. Thursday was the first time I had gotten wrote up at work... It was because a patient brought me a birthday present.... REALLY. that is the kind of things i deal with. I LOVE my job, I love my patients... but I swear Doc is gonna drive me to a psych ward myself! Oh well... I trust gods plan, so we will see.
Today I turned 25. twenty-freaking-five. Holy turd. I had my wisdom teeth pulled on Friday so i have literally slept all weekend. Kinda needed it though. Thank Goodness that is all done!
Well, I'm back to bed. I will Definitely keep up with my blog now!
Hope all is well with everyone!
GOD BLESS!
MK
Thursday, December 23, 2010
~Inner Fears~
Get me alone-- all I do is think.
Part of this might be from me PMSing, ugggghhhh, perfect timing mother nature! Part of this is just venting.
I think sometimes its easier for me to figure things out when I write them out.
I really am happy I have made the decision I have for Sterling and I. But holy crap, it is so hard! I'm picking up my life, giving up my home sweet home, and moving to a new place. Thank goodness its with an awesome friend- Jill... She just bought this amazing new home with her boyfriend (who is in Indonesia for four months, then home for one, back for four... and so on). So, Ill be paying her rent, and sterling and I will be sharing a room. I think this will be the best way for him to adjust.
Mike and I will be splitting up days. THIS KILLS ME. I feel like I never see my baby boy as it is. Now I have to drive from Lowell to Springdale to take sterling to daycare (its free so I'm not switching daycares!) and then to work in Rogers, then leave work at 130 to pick sterling up in Springdale by 2 (when the daycare closes), take him to his daddy, go back to work until either 5 or 9 pm, then go back to Springdale- pick Sterling up, and go to the house in Lowell. By the time I get home (on the nights I get off at 5) it will be so late, ill only be able to feed him and bathe time, say night night and prayers... and that's it.
Its a day of running around for me... Things are so hard for me, so convenient for him, yet He is the one who has made the mistakes. I will only see Sterling every other weekend- Which I'm doing for Sterling, not Mike. I'm trying to make this easy for our sweet child. *tears*
Next- Coming to terms that I have failed my marriage. I have to learn to forgive myself for things I couldn't get right, and learn to move on. Mike and I are currently living together for the holidays, to give sterling the best Christmas possible- and its horrible. We are barely speaking. I want to cry all the time. and poor sterling. Half the time I feel like a bad mom for working so much... then a bad wife for not helping more. If I don't work, we wont make money, when i work, I cant clean and be home more. No happy medium in our home. I just couldn't make him happy. That's the killer. It kills me to the core because I tried so hard. But at least I tried.
I'm terrified of change. Please pray for me. I'm having a really difficult time. I'm trying to do whats best for me, and what is best for sterling... but I'm so scared of screwing up or losing my child.
All I ask for is Prayer.
Thanks ;)
Part of this might be from me PMSing, ugggghhhh, perfect timing mother nature! Part of this is just venting.
I think sometimes its easier for me to figure things out when I write them out.
I really am happy I have made the decision I have for Sterling and I. But holy crap, it is so hard! I'm picking up my life, giving up my home sweet home, and moving to a new place. Thank goodness its with an awesome friend- Jill... She just bought this amazing new home with her boyfriend (who is in Indonesia for four months, then home for one, back for four... and so on). So, Ill be paying her rent, and sterling and I will be sharing a room. I think this will be the best way for him to adjust.
Mike and I will be splitting up days. THIS KILLS ME. I feel like I never see my baby boy as it is. Now I have to drive from Lowell to Springdale to take sterling to daycare (its free so I'm not switching daycares!) and then to work in Rogers, then leave work at 130 to pick sterling up in Springdale by 2 (when the daycare closes), take him to his daddy, go back to work until either 5 or 9 pm, then go back to Springdale- pick Sterling up, and go to the house in Lowell. By the time I get home (on the nights I get off at 5) it will be so late, ill only be able to feed him and bathe time, say night night and prayers... and that's it.
Its a day of running around for me... Things are so hard for me, so convenient for him, yet He is the one who has made the mistakes. I will only see Sterling every other weekend- Which I'm doing for Sterling, not Mike. I'm trying to make this easy for our sweet child. *tears*
Next- Coming to terms that I have failed my marriage. I have to learn to forgive myself for things I couldn't get right, and learn to move on. Mike and I are currently living together for the holidays, to give sterling the best Christmas possible- and its horrible. We are barely speaking. I want to cry all the time. and poor sterling. Half the time I feel like a bad mom for working so much... then a bad wife for not helping more. If I don't work, we wont make money, when i work, I cant clean and be home more. No happy medium in our home. I just couldn't make him happy. That's the killer. It kills me to the core because I tried so hard. But at least I tried.
I'm terrified of change. Please pray for me. I'm having a really difficult time. I'm trying to do whats best for me, and what is best for sterling... but I'm so scared of screwing up or losing my child.
All I ask for is Prayer.
Thanks ;)
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